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The Work

As I walk this path of expansion and clarity, I’ve experienced pain and discomfort. Mostly, I don’t have much choice when the pain arrives. I am learning that I can decide what I do with it.

My past tendency was defensiveness and blaming. I would experience a seething silence and an anger in my stomach. Call it the stewing silent treatment. These methods always did more harm. They neither addressed the issue nor the root.

I’ve met several men lately going through difficult relationship transitions and searching for a path of betterment. While I have work to do towards embodying relationship alignment, I do have a lot of experience on how to be present when the waters get turbulent. Most of this has come from failing often and comparing that to how present alignment resonates.

I felt called to share what has been working for me:

  1. Accountability: a critical first step. This happens with self first, with anyone deserving party second. A wound can’t heal if it’s not acknowledged for what it is.

  2. Seek ways to understand steps forward without shame. Coaches, therapists, aligned men, and books are invaluable resources. If had ink on your face, how would you know without outside perspective?

  3. Face emotions head on. Expect tears, anger, guilt, shame, and sadness. Constantly ask: “What is this emotion teaching me?”

  4. Develop healthy ways to move through emotions. Music, physical activity, goals, and challenges like cold plunging have been my staples.

  5. Seek an accountability partner. This is an aligned man with whom you vent, share desires, and receive accountability on truth-speaking and follow through. Support is also nice when shit gets hard.

  6. Develop boundaries, both with yourself and others. It is so easy to abandon yourself when you go into fixing mode. There's a balance between choosing to walk a difficult path and noticing when it doesn't align. You get to decide.

  7. Remember you’re a human being. Perfect intention doesn’t result in perfect action. Revisit steps 1-6 as needed.

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